I’m lying naked on a nudist beach in Brighton giving my bot bot a tan. Brighton, been the gay capital of the UK, has a high percentage of guys on its nudist beach or maybe all nudist beaches are like this. I didn’t bring a towel and this “beach” doesn’t have sand just hard pebbles that stick uncomfortably into your back.
I arrived at Brighton train station at 8pm with the addresses of 5 hostels and my phone and camera batteries dead. After walking around Brighton for 2 hours with my trusty hand held GPS I discovered that one of the hostels was full and that the other 4 weren’t real, Google had lied to me again. So I tried some bed and breakfast’s. Of the 30 or so seen only two had vacancies and that was for 45 quid a night. On my walk around Brighton ladies out the front of clubs had given me promotional vouchers telling me that i could get cocktails for 2.50. I quickly did the math and discovered that for the same price as a room i could get 18 cocktails and party all night. I walked to the club with the cheap drinks and on the way was attacked by a cow girl hens party who pinched my bum and made rude comments. I quickly found the club and used my voucher which also gave me free entry. I paid the a pound to the cloak lady to hold my bag and when i turned around i saw the cow girl hens party that had been pinching my bottom. When I walked further into the club and found it completely empty so I ordered a drink and sat down to ponder my sleeping situation. A couple of minutes later the dance floor was filled with cow girls. The cow girls then put a chair a few feet in front of me and the bride to be did a little dance. Me having a girlfriend felt terribly uncomfortable and didn’t enjoy the attention at all 😉 the ‘what do I do now’ tension was broken by a crazy dancing old man of about 70 years who kept climbing on chairs and jumping off. He had very white pants that glowed brightly in the UV lights. That kept the cow girls occupied and once i finished my drink i disappeared back on Brighton’s lively streets where i was frontally groped by a passing girl. It was late, i still didn’t have accommodation and all the bed and breakfast’s were closed so i decided that i might be sleeping under the stars on the cold pebbly beach. I walked under the pier and bumped into some random guys who started chatting to me. One of the gentlemen, Dave who was on a stag night but had lost his friends, offered me accommodation at his hotel room. His philosophy was that he’d been wronged in the past by random people and by helping other random perople out it would be saying “f#@% you” to the wrong doing randoms by not letting those events change him for the worse. With that in mind and the fact that he was a lot shorter and drunker than I and was on a stag night we set out for his place stopping for a beer on the way home (i made sure i bought the beer and kept a good eye on it to make sure nothing other than beer went into my glass, picturing my self in a bath of ice or with a sore bot bot). Dave assured me it was just 2km up the road. 5km later we came to the blue lagoon bed and breakfast. I still wasn’t sure if i was going to stay but when we entered a dreadfully messy room with 5 beds, 4 empty and one filled with a loud snoring fellow I knew it was a stag night and felt quite safe. For some reason Dave insisted on taking the floor and I lay in his bed. I woke a couple of hours later to some guy saying “who’s that and why is Dave on the floor?” and 3 guys in the door way. I replied “G’day, I’m Greg”. He looked confused so i continued “I met Dave under a pier”. He seemed fine with that but was a little concerned because i was from Australia, the land of convicts, and assumed all his stuff would be gone in the morning. They were very friendly though and that didn’t seem enough reason to throw me out so we just went to sleep. In the morning Dave was still asleep on the floor and missed the not only the bed but the breakfast part of the bed and breakfast so the other boys invited me down to eat his which I willing obliged. After breakfast i said my thanks and goodbyes, left my email with the still sleeping Dave and caught a bus back to Brighton to save me the hour walk and ended up naked on a pebble beach blogging on my PDA :) I’ll head back to Dunstable today, I’m not going to risk another night without accommodation :s